Now that we have had the first scan I beyond excited and over the moon to finally say that Marc and I are indeed going to become Dad & Daddy (or Dada or something else, we still don’t know for sure yet).
Now that I have got that massive bit of news out there I will rewind a little bit and fill you in on everything that has led up to now. I do feel that some kind of apology should fit here. Mainly because I feel like we have been a little bit sneaky in the sense that I haven’t shared where we currently are on our journey. I said back in the middle of October that everything was going well and that we wouldn’t be discussing the specifics of trying to conceive and the like right away. Originally, we were very much of the view that we would not be doing any inseminations until the New Year. At that point, we had pieces of ‘admin’ to do and we didn’t think it would be right to start without everything in place. Lisa was also very much of the view that it may take a little bit longer once we did start trying to conceive. So, because of that, it was decided that we would indeed start the inseminations so that we could get used to the process and get into the routine. Suffice to say, I have amassed a fair amount of knowledge about the female ovulation cycle and it is remarkable how it all works.
So, the fun and joy of inseminations had started which was another reason we have been quite busy. There has certainly been a lot of driving involved but it has been worth every mile that we have driven so far. Aside from the inseminations, it has been wonderful to see Lisa and her family so frequently and continue building upon our match which, in our minds, is so much more than a surrogacy match. It is a very strong friendship. Lisa and Darren are such incredible parents and have such a marvellous family it is wonderful to be around them.
Part of that friendship means sharing wonderful Christmas moments together. On Friday 22nd December Lisa’s youngest daughter had a carol concert at her school and while we couldn’t be there at the concert, little Edith was very much adamant that she wanted to sing for us. In amongst all the craziness, we arranged a facetime call so that she could give a performance. She was wonderful of course but then Lisa mentioned she also needed to discuss something else with us since she had us on facetime. I have no idea what I was expecting the discussion to be but it certainly wasn’t what came next when Lisa put a whiteboard up to the camera:
I think it is safe to say that it was a massive surprise and we had absolutely no idea that Lisa had indeed fallen pregnant and this was almost certainly the most incredible Christmas present we were ever going to get! As I wrote earlier, we were not really expecting to be pregnant any time before Christmas as we were just getting into the routine of the inseminations and the like.
Looking back on it now, we both feel like there was an element of fate about that particular week in which we now know that Lisa fell pregnant because, at the time, it felt like everything was going against us. Originally, we were planned to head down on a Sunday afternoon for the first attempt of the month. Unfortunately, the weather seemed to be dead set against us going anywhere that day with Snow and Ice making the roads treacherous at best. We managed to drive for just over an hour and only get 5 miles down the road when we had to admit defeat and turn back home.
Thankfully the weather gave us a break the following day and so we were going to head down on a Monday evening for the rescheduled attempt. While Marc did manage to get down to Lisa in good time, I managed to get caught up in travel disruption after a lineside fire caused chaos at London Waterloo which then caused me a four-hour journey to meet them down at Lisa’s home. To top the day off, diversions around the M25 on the way home caused us an extra 40 minutes of travel time making it a very long night!
The following day was attempt two as originally planned and thankfully, everything went well travel wise apart from the same diversions on the way home.
The third and final attempt was to take place on Wednesday. This time, Marc went alone during the day as he was off work, again, with a whole lot of traffic to contend with on both legs of the drive.
And then started the waiting game again. I’ve said this before but I will say it again. A fundamental part of surrogacy is patience. You will find yourself wondering after every insemination attempt if that is the one. You will find yourself counting down the days until it is even possible to get a reading from a pregnancy test or if the surrogate has started a period. In turn, because you find yourself counting down the days, they seem to last a little longer. Thankfully, I have managed to maintain the skill of managing expectations and so I was not pinning any hopes on this particular month (nor any beforehand). I would say that is the toughest thing to do during the trying to conceive period. It would be very easy to get carried away and think that once the insemination is completed it is a job done and the baby is on the way. That is absolutely natural, but you have to resist it and try not to get swept up in the excitement. One thing I was definitely able to do was to stay calm and focus on everything as a matter of fact – my reluctance to get carried away probably explains part of the complete shock I felt when Lisa told us that she was pregnant. Of course, I was always hopeful but I was also realistic that just after Christmas we might be told that ‘Aunt Flo’ had come to visit and we would then start the process of planning the next inseminations.
At the point in which Lisa told us she was pregnant, she had already done quite a few pregnancy tests, just to be sure, but she managed to keep it a secret from us for those few days in between her first suspecting and that Friday. I have no idea how she kept it secret but she managed to do so until there had been enough positive tests to be absolutely sure.
We had already made plans to visit the family on Christmas Eve anyway and so we made our way down that Sunday with another pregnancy test and another that gives a read of the number of weeks post ovulation. This may seem a little strange, but surrogate ladies seem to really love a pregnancy test or what as many of them refer to as ‘pee-sticks’. When we arrived Lisa had amassed quite a few positive tests already but wanted to do another so that we could see the little ‘Pregnant’ word come up on the screen before our own eyes.
As you can imagine, from that point on there has been a wave of emotions starting with massive excitement and joy but also shock. For me, it was the most surreal feeling to discover that I am going to be a Dad. Initially, I simply couldn’t believe it. I had seen the irrefutable proof but it was like my brain did not know how to process the information. I have no idea if other couples experience that feeling but it was definitely there for me. It took a couple of days for the news to really sink in. Marc was certainly in shock too, as he kept reminding me every couple of hours after the facetime call and throughout the weekend. However, we headed into what was going to be a very different Christmas because we knew that, all being well, this was likely to be the last Christmas we would enjoy as just the two of us. It was incredibly difficult not to think ahead to Christmas 2018 and how our traditions and routine would be different. Throughout all of Christmas Day, I found my mind wandering to what Christmas Day would be like with a small baby as a central part of our day. Even at this stage, I was trying not to get too carried away and over excited but I couldn’t resist letting my imagination run wild. Each little thought gave me a massive smile which meant that I enjoyed this Christmas so much more and it will forever be etched in my memory as the last Christmas before everything changed in the best way possible.
Once Christmas was out of the way, our attention was then diverted towards the very early planning. We now had a timeline to work to in terms of getting everything ready at home, and we now had the first scan booked in. For peace of mind, we had agreed that Lisa was going to have a scan a little earlier than the usual first scan between 10 and 14 weeks.
On January 11th, we attended the first scan. Of course, many people would not have a scan until the 12-week point but both ourselves and Lisa were very keen to have a scan at the earliest stage possible; 6 weeks.
Now, before I get into the scan I did want to address something that quite a few people have already questioned. Why are we announcing the pregnancy so early? Of course, our families and very close friends had been told prior to this article going live. However, we are very well aware that it is common practice to withhold any kind of announcement until the 12-week scan has been done, for a lot of different reasons too. Of course, there are no set rules about when you can tell people you are pregnant, this is just something that society tells us is the right thing to do. Many people will tell you that once you get to 12 weeks this is where there are less likely to be issues but that is not guaranteed and anything can happen at any time.
There are a few reasons that we have chosen to tell people about the pregnancy before this point. One of the big reasons is because of the sheer awareness in the sense that everyone knows we are going to be having a child through surrogacy. Marc and I have both found ourselves being asked how it is going or what stage we are at. Neither of us wants to be in a position where we are lying or dodging the question which is a sentiment Lisa also shares. Additionally, considering the fact we knew Lisa was pregnant, it is incredibly difficult to simply answer “it’s all going well” without a huge tell-tale grin on our face when someone asks and believe me, a lot of people ask.
People had also started to notice a change in the routine that they had clearly picked up on in the process of the inseminations and pregnancy tests. I genuinely didn’t think people would really pick up on the frequency in which we were heading down to see Lisa so naturally, I didn’t think they would notice when that routine changed. People have clearly been paying far more attention than I realised and we even had a couple of people question it, almost with a knowing wink and a nudge. In addition, Marc had gone to work the next day and made sure to put some holiday time on his work calendar for September as well as booking off Christmas 2018. Again, people did notice the timing of booking holiday for almost 9 months later and the Christmas period. This was another reason it felt it was time to just make the announcement.
Also, with Lisa being a YouTube vlogger and a part of Channel Mum, she is particularly keen to share the journey with her followers, it is part of her job after all. Considering it is important for her to be sharing information, we all felt like the first scan would be a great time to start really talking about it on her channel. Asking a lady whose channel is based on pregnancy and particularly surrogacy until 12 weeks, ie. Almost a third of the way through the pregnancy seemed counterproductive and a little unfair to her. She is just as excited as us to share all of the wonderful news and updates. She has also done her own pregnancy announcement video which I will share with you very shortly in its very own article.
[EDIT] - You can check out the announcement video HERE
So yes, that is why we are announcing now. It is the right time for all of us.
Anyhow, back to the scan, or the night before. Mainly because I wanted to mention that in the run-up to the scan, which had been booked before the New Year, with each passing day I was getting more and more excited and Marc was getting more and more anxious. Marc tends to worry about everything being ok but I tend to apply the belief that nature will do its thing. I guess that, in that sense, we have a good balance between us.
By the time I got to the night before the scan I was like an overexcited child on Christmas Eve knowing what the next day may bring and refusing point blank to sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I did try and get some sleep but every time I closed my eyes, my imagination went into overdrive about seeing our baby for the very first time and of course, everything that will come after that. It is somewhat difficult finding the right words to describe all the different emotions I was feeling throughout the night so I will just say I felt all of them. One feeling that does seem to be persistent is an awareness of how surreal it all seems. I have wanted to be a Dad since I was a child myself and to actually know that the next day I would potentially see the heartbeat of our child was certainly surreal, to say the least. I think I managed a couple of hours with broken sleep all in all. Oh well.
Our scan was relatively early in the day which meant that we had to get driving quite early on to avoid any possible (and likely) M25 traffic. The lack of sleep coupled with a very early stint on the M25 was like some kind of torture that would then present a happy outcome. This all served to make the journey feel even longer and therefore my mood was a little irritable. Thankfully the irritability disappeared as soon as I got back out of the car on our arrival.
The scan took place at The Surrey Park Clinic in Guildford. As this scan was to take place quite a bit before you would usually have the first scan, we had to do this one through a private clinic. The team at Surrey Park Clinic were fantastic. I had heard some very unsettling accounts of nurses refusing the Intended Parents admittance into the room in surrogacy situations so I was feeling a little nervous about other peoples behaviour. I had also heard stories of nurses or doctors refusing point blank to even address the intended parents. These were totally unfounded as the team there very quickly picked up that it was a surrogacy pregnancy and were 100% supportive, helpful and kind. The approach they took very quickly swept away any last-minute nerves about reactions that I had developed.
The nerd in me was completely fascinated by how the technology works. At this point, our baby was just 5.4mm in length but the equipment can detect it so easily. To me, that is incredible. I was then filled with a wave of pride when the nurse picked up a heartbeat. It is at the six-week point that the heart actually begins to pump blood and the nurse showed us this all happening on screen. If there was any point before where it didn’t feel real it was definitely real now. It is amazing to think that our baby, no more than the size of a small blueberry, already has a heartbeat. The joy I felt as I saw that little pulsing flickering was wonderful. At this point, Marc had got so worked up with nerves I thought he was going to burst. For me, it was at that exact moment where everything became totally real. I'm not going to lie here, but I could feel myself getting very emotional.
Of course, at this point, the baby is still in the very early stages of its development so the scan images show just a tiny little impression of where he or she is within the sac but I can’t stop looking at the pictures with a great big smile.
And so, that brings you all up to date. Like I say, if there was any point before it didn’t feel real, it does now. Absolutely. It IS happening!
Here is to the coming months! I can’t wait to continue sharing our journey with you. Keep your eyes peeled for the video announcement that Lisa has put together too, I will be sharing it here very soon.
Thanks for stopping by and reading xx
People had also started to notice a change in the routine that they had clearly picked up on in the process of the inseminations and pregnancy tests. I genuinely didn’t think people would really pick up on the frequency in which we were heading down to see Lisa so naturally, I didn’t think they would notice when that routine changed. People have clearly been paying far more attention than I realised and we even had a couple of people question it, almost with a knowing wink and a nudge. In addition, Marc had gone to work the next day and made sure to put some holiday time on his work calendar for September as well as booking off Christmas 2018. Again, people did notice the timing of booking holiday for almost 9 months later and the Christmas period. This was another reason it felt it was time to just make the announcement.
Also, with Lisa being a YouTube vlogger and a part of Channel Mum, she is particularly keen to share the journey with her followers, it is part of her job after all. Considering it is important for her to be sharing information, we all felt like the first scan would be a great time to start really talking about it on her channel. Asking a lady whose channel is based on pregnancy and particularly surrogacy until 12 weeks, ie. Almost a third of the way through the pregnancy seemed counterproductive and a little unfair to her. She is just as excited as us to share all of the wonderful news and updates. She has also done her own pregnancy announcement video which I will share with you very shortly in its very own article.
[EDIT] - You can check out the announcement video HERE
So yes, that is why we are announcing now. It is the right time for all of us.
Anyhow, back to the scan, or the night before. Mainly because I wanted to mention that in the run-up to the scan, which had been booked before the New Year, with each passing day I was getting more and more excited and Marc was getting more and more anxious. Marc tends to worry about everything being ok but I tend to apply the belief that nature will do its thing. I guess that, in that sense, we have a good balance between us.
By the time I got to the night before the scan I was like an overexcited child on Christmas Eve knowing what the next day may bring and refusing point blank to sleep. Don’t get me wrong, I did try and get some sleep but every time I closed my eyes, my imagination went into overdrive about seeing our baby for the very first time and of course, everything that will come after that. It is somewhat difficult finding the right words to describe all the different emotions I was feeling throughout the night so I will just say I felt all of them. One feeling that does seem to be persistent is an awareness of how surreal it all seems. I have wanted to be a Dad since I was a child myself and to actually know that the next day I would potentially see the heartbeat of our child was certainly surreal, to say the least. I think I managed a couple of hours with broken sleep all in all. Oh well.
Our scan was relatively early in the day which meant that we had to get driving quite early on to avoid any possible (and likely) M25 traffic. The lack of sleep coupled with a very early stint on the M25 was like some kind of torture that would then present a happy outcome. This all served to make the journey feel even longer and therefore my mood was a little irritable. Thankfully the irritability disappeared as soon as I got back out of the car on our arrival.
The scan took place at The Surrey Park Clinic in Guildford. As this scan was to take place quite a bit before you would usually have the first scan, we had to do this one through a private clinic. The team at Surrey Park Clinic were fantastic. I had heard some very unsettling accounts of nurses refusing the Intended Parents admittance into the room in surrogacy situations so I was feeling a little nervous about other peoples behaviour. I had also heard stories of nurses or doctors refusing point blank to even address the intended parents. These were totally unfounded as the team there very quickly picked up that it was a surrogacy pregnancy and were 100% supportive, helpful and kind. The approach they took very quickly swept away any last-minute nerves about reactions that I had developed.
The nerd in me was completely fascinated by how the technology works. At this point, our baby was just 5.4mm in length but the equipment can detect it so easily. To me, that is incredible. I was then filled with a wave of pride when the nurse picked up a heartbeat. It is at the six-week point that the heart actually begins to pump blood and the nurse showed us this all happening on screen. If there was any point before where it didn’t feel real it was definitely real now. It is amazing to think that our baby, no more than the size of a small blueberry, already has a heartbeat. The joy I felt as I saw that little pulsing flickering was wonderful. At this point, Marc had got so worked up with nerves I thought he was going to burst. For me, it was at that exact moment where everything became totally real. I'm not going to lie here, but I could feel myself getting very emotional.
Of course, at this point, the baby is still in the very early stages of its development so the scan images show just a tiny little impression of where he or she is within the sac but I can’t stop looking at the pictures with a great big smile.
And so, that brings you all up to date. Like I say, if there was any point before it didn’t feel real, it does now. Absolutely. It IS happening!
Here is to the coming months! I can’t wait to continue sharing our journey with you. Keep your eyes peeled for the video announcement that Lisa has put together too, I will be sharing it here very soon.
Thanks for stopping by and reading xx
Big love dudes :D x
ReplyDeleteThanks Aaron :-)
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteI can't stop crying. Lisa is incredible. x
ReplyDeleteShe really is Amber. Words don’t seem to cover how awesome she is!
DeleteAmazing congratulations
ReplyDeleteThank you Julie :-) x
DeleteSo very happy for you both!!! Congratulations!
ReplyDeleteThank you Malcolm :-)
DeleteThat's fantastic. So pleased for you guys. I am also gay and acting as a known donor for two ladies (who have become good friends) whom I met through Pride Angel. I had the great news yesterday that, after just two months of trying, mum-to-be is pregnant! I am ecstatic! Look forward to hearing your updates.
ReplyDelete